<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Knight and Honey: The Canterbury Case Files by turquoise_moon</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730952">Knight and Honey: The Canterbury Case Files</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/turquoise_moon/pseuds/turquoise_moon'>turquoise_moon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tales of Zestiria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abduction, Alternative Universe: Crimes and Criminals, Criminal Investigation, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Gen, Honey Trap, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Legal Drama (sort of), Love Triangles, M/M, Male Harem, Out of Character, Partner Betrayal, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs, Reunited with Ambiguous Feelings, Seduction, Shameless Smut, Spies &amp; Secret Agents</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:40:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,878</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/turquoise_moon/pseuds/turquoise_moon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As a detective-investigator of the Criminal Investigation Bureau, Sorey Shepherdine wasn't expecting much from his promotion. In fact, he wasn't expecting to be re-assigned to the most notorious hot spot in the CIB, the National Security and International Crimes Department headed not only by the fearsome ex-general known throughout the Justice Bureau as 'Thunder,' but also by the same who had fired him at least five times in his first few months in the service about four years ago.</p><p>Worse, the unexpected arrival of a "new" partner seems to usher in a holocaust of unforeseen events. Can old bonds be enough to trust someone with secrets that may put lives in danger? Can Sorey trust an old friend with his life? </p><p>Or better yet, can he trust himself not to get too close and let old feelings and memories get in the way?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikleo &amp; Sorey (Tales of Zestiria), Mikleo/Sorey (Tales of Zestiria)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Because Honey Tastes Better with Wine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>To be shamelessly honest, NO ONE requested for this crime and legal drama fic at all. I just decided to write one since it may be the only thing I can ever write that allows me to make good use of my college notes (though I'm sure my analysis would be off as I'm no expert yet, add to that my hopeless boredom and the fact that school may not start until August :(). In any case, ANY resemblance to actual cases is UNINTENDED (oh boy, that sounds like BS right now) as this is purely FICTIONAL, NOT based on any one, single, REAL-LIFE scenario (yet?)</p><p>That includes the setting and the characters of course. I hope you'd give this one a shot. It's not much, just something I thought of while I was in the bathroom mooning over a love song I couldn't sing without inventing notes along the way.</p><p>Thanks so much. ^_^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>o)------------o)O(o------------(o</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I got a funny feeling</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The moment that your lips touched mine</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Something shot right through me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My heart skipped a beat in time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a different feel about you tonight</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's got me thinking lots of crazy things</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I even think I saw a flash of light</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It felt like electricity</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You shouldn't kiss me like this</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unless you mean it like that</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Cause I'll just close my eyes</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I won't know where I'm at</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We'll get lost on this dance floor, spinning around</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And around, and around, and around...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They're all watching us now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They think we're falling in love</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They'd never believe we're just friends...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When you kiss me like this</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think you mean it like that</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you do, baby, kiss me again...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everybody swears, we'd make a perfect pair</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But dancing is as far as it goes...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-Toby Keith, "You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>o)------------o)O(o------------(o</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The first sign of grey skies and a lazy sun lighting up the aquamarine glass of Monochrome Towers along 65th High Street, 23rd Avenue, Canterbury Lane is getting to be a typical, nondescript view from a certain window of Cheshire Rise, one of the newest and most expensive residential buildings located at the heart of the business district. </p><p>In one such morning, a young man of twenty-two, in a crisp, black business suit favoring a lavender and grey striped tie was hurrying out of his Cheshire unit when he heard a noise in the kitchen that made him stop for three seconds. Still single (at least for a few more days) Sorey Shepherdine has been living alone since the bombing incident that killed his parents four years ago. The older Shepherdines were seasoned veterans of the elite Criminal Investigation Bureau better known as the CIB, and had served as interpol in their younger years. To say that their death was a huge loss to the bureau was an understatement, and though it would never be admitted or confessed, there was hardly any <em>other</em> reason as to why the younger detective took his time accepting his promotion.</p><p>Along with that came the most secured yet expensive living privileges the federal government could afford. Though of course, Sorey understands better than he shows, that having chosen the least prudent option of living under the shadow of extraordinary dangers and unreachable expectations, the least he could do was <em>settle</em> for this kind of compromise.</p><p>Those same shadows continue to haunt him every step of the way in more ways than one.</p><p>As rumors would have it, there was no way <em>any</em> department would have accepted an eighteen-year-old college dropout to train and have any direct, hands-on involvement in any investigation case were it not for the indebtedness which some of the most respected higher-ups have for the deceased Shepherdines. The controversy, probably not farther from any truth that has been held to be an open, public secret among their colleagues in the bureau, has hounded Sorey like a benign childhood nightmare that comes and goes without needing permission, not that anything could be done about it either.</p><p>And so, during his first year in the 15th, it was no less surprising that the much-respected yet notoriously-feared head of the division rudely dismissed him as ideologically mismatched for the job. The said chief has this to say in the report: "Sorey Shepherdine is... short of a geeky academic more suited for the teaching profession than a dynamic daredevil or tenacious maverick suited for the job... nothing but a callow youth with <em>impressive</em> yet irrelevant credentials, <em>graceful</em> yet stark inexperience in the rudimentary demands of the profession... has <em>absolutely none</em> of the qualities enviable in an officer better suited for the position... hardly someone with a quick eye for danger, an amazing resiliency, and tenacious survival skills that would save the bureau lives rather than funerals."</p><p>The report has never been filed, but the fact that it has been disclosed to CIB officials was sufficient to detract even the most optimistic. </p><p>To say the least, the current Detective Shepherdine would not have been able to endure the psychological badgering and professional bullying (as if there was anything even remotely professional about it) if he had not decided from the very beginning that becoming a detective is more of a calling than just any <em>other</em> job.</p><p>Or, to be honest, a naive devotion to a twisted fantasy nurtured in some secret corner of one's lonely childhood, rather than some loyalty to a legacy that goes beyond duty and personal regrets as other people might assume.</p><p>This rationalization proved itself to be more persuasive in his case... in addition to getting a transfer to another division where he was to meet his fiancee, a young paralegal working as a staff officer in the same department. But soon after, various complications revealed themselves one after the other.</p><p>There was, for example, the sudden appearance of a stepsister from his biological father who passed away two years ago. Sorey was barely two years old when his parents divorced with his mom remarrying a year after. It was the only explanation for having him adopt the name Shepherdine since then...</p><p>Rumors have it that all three worked under the same department and were often partnered in assignments before his father left the service shortly after the divorce. The actual records show that he got a job in France, changed his citizenship, remarried, was widowed soon after, and just two years ago, Sorey found out that he has a stepsister in dire need of a guardian. The court had pointed out that he was the <em>only</em> and <em>closest</em> living relative.   </p><p>Speaking of which, Sorey knows that accepting parental responsibilities, which include letting the said minor (though spoiled, snotty teenager with the airs of an arrogant celebrity is a more apt description) live with him, even if it were her own thoughtless, insistent choice, leaves him no excuse to be less vigilant... especially when the slightest sign of danger seems a sufficient reminder of how his parents had been killed in the line of duty...</p><p>That was the exact same reason that got him in this situation. Right now, standing within six feet of the intruder, he had a gun cocked at it and ready to fire.</p><p>The figure, outlined by the light of the open fridge, leaned back slowly to its full height, both hands raised in the air as if anticipating the most likely warning in this case.</p><p>Sorey knew both the law and the procedure in these circumstances. If he were a lone resident as was true two years ago, he would have the prerogative to shoot a trespasser who could easily be mistaken for a burglar and a threat to one's personal safety. However, there is the matter of his sister living with him... and though it would be unlikely for such a person to be his sister's guest, the possibility is sufficient to override prior assumptions and require, instead, a measure of prudence and caution.</p><p>With that in mind, Sorey kept his aim at a not-so-vital part of the target, keeping in mind that any resistance would prompt him to exercise the prerogative of justified self-defense nonetheless.</p><p>That said, it was enough for the target's slightest movement to make him a little breathless with anticipation.     </p><p>"Enough. Step back. Slowly. Or I'll shoot."</p><p>As commanded, the target straightened up cautiously, letting itself be illuminated. But even from that distance, Sorey had to swallow inaudibly and keep his concentration from straying.</p><p>Long, slender legs bared completely from the hip down and an upper body flimsily covered by a thin, almost transparent dress shirt that seemed hardly enough to hide the person's ass exposed themselves when the target craned its neck to meet his stare.</p><p>True, Sorey had not seen Alisha or any other woman naked or barely clothed like this, but he had never imagined anyone being <em>this</em> seductive either. </p><p>And the admission could not have been more embarrassing than it already is, because as sophisticated lavender eyes turned to him, it was quickly revealed that the fine, silver sheen of short-cropped hair and the willowy, delicately sculptured body belonged to none other than a young, effeminate man.</p><p>Pouting lips, a flustered gaze that didn't seem so ashamed the longer you look, completed the image that almost made him chase his breath. </p><p>"Detective Shepherdine, I presume?"</p><p>Without as much as blinking, Sorey trained his gun several inches closer. No one has to know how hard it was to keep a leveled gaze when that damn fabric kept sliding further down the guy's shoulder to distract him like the devil. </p><p>"You're not allowed to speak, dammit."</p><p>"Well, how else may I explain myself?"</p><p>"If you have any weapon, put it down real slow... then turn around with your hands up."</p><p>"Does it look like I have anything else on me? Or is my ass hardly satisfactory and you wanna see more?"</p><p>"What do you-" But of course his eyes have already moved down there to confirm it, not that he could be blamed for anything his body does without express permission.</p><p>"I'm naked under this shirt. But if you want a full view I'd be more than willing to-"</p><p>"Who are you, and what are you doing here?"</p><p>"Didn't Edna even tell you?"</p><p>Sorey's eyebrow shot up. He and his fiancee just got back from their trip last night, but the moment he arrived at the airport, he received a text message from his stepsister saying she would, sadly, be unable to see him until evening. He was too tired after unpacking his luggage, wrapping gifts and souvenirs, and fell asleep while watching a penguin documentary... which explains why he had not been able to check up on Edna until now.</p><p>That said, the clock on the opposite wall just reminded him that it was already 7:05 a.m.</p><p>He tried not to look flustered. "I'm not so sure... not that it explains anything either."</p><p>"We got in a little past midnight. I made sure she didn't drink that much... minors aren't allowed, but you know <em>that</em> already. Besides, late night birthday parties get to be like that, even for high school students these days."</p><p>Sorey could only sigh with resignation and remorse. He was so tired he slept through his sister's birthday and did not get the chance to greet her personally and hand her his present. But those regrets would have to wait for later, at least for now.  </p><p>"Are you... from her school?"</p><p>The young man turned around slightly, but since his arms were still raised, there was no chance to button his shirt, which quickly revealed a flat chest and abdomen, not to mention the <em>tiniest</em> waistline Sorey had seen in either a man <em>or</em> a woman. And the creamy, rosy, almost transparent sheen of his pale, white skin only made his lavender eyes stand out even more clearly as their owner matched Sorey's grim, relentless stare with a slightly teasing smile.</p><p>"Do I really seem <em>that</em> young to you?"</p><p>Sorey had to force himself not to trail glances beyond the man's waist. Was he even wearing any underwear? He swallowed as something in his loins tried desperately to push that question down, but for some nameless reason, he could not bring himself to be rightfully curious without feeling conflicted.</p><p>"You're <em>not</em> in a relationship with my sister are you? She's only fifteen-"</p><p>"So the doting brother is worried, <em>finally,</em> oh god... " Eyes flicked a look of mild annoyance at the gun held from one end of an outstretched arm that would have been enough of a threat to the fainthearted at such a distance. "I think Edna asked me to sleep with her just to shake up someone's nerves of steel... "</p><p>Emerald eyes widened in panic. "You slept with-"</p><p>"Before that, do you mind getting that <em>thing</em> out of my face?"</p><p>Sorey carefully held his gun sideways, choosing not to put it away yet.</p><p>"Thanks. Now, about your question, the answer is, <em>no</em>. Despite appearances, I'm twenty-three, and I've no intention of getting a girlfriend to babysit, which you apparently seem to be good at. Not implying incest, by the way."</p><p>"She's pretty mature. But you're changing the topic."</p><p>"Did the noise even bother you? We didn't plan on disturbing your honeymoon."</p><p>"It's just me--I mean, my fiancee and I aren't like that." Sorey wondered why he could not even tell a white lie or just nod to confirm the needless assumption. "That aside... full consent, when it concerns a minor, is no less illegal than an adult's vitiated-"</p><p>"You're such a prude, aren't you?"</p><p>Sorey winced at the sudden accusation, which he should be the one giving. "You're supposed to shut up and listen."</p><p>"Tell me, if you find yourself alone with the opposite sex, is that all you ever bother to think about?"</p><p>"You admit being naked. You admit having slept-"</p><p>"In the same room, on the same bed. I'm no sex machine, all right? I can't sleep and get laid at the same time... can you?"</p><p>"You're twisting my words."</p><p>A chuckling sound. "But my desire's more twisted than that, detective. You see, it's hard to figure out what you really want when everybody else decides <em>that</em> without even asking. Same for you? Or are you better at keeping secrets than lying to yourself?"</p><p>"Stop trying to make this about me. If I find out you're lying about any of this..."</p><p>"What motive would I have?"</p><p>"Proof of motive is not absolutely indispensable as evidence in-"</p><p>"Oh please, you can cut to the chase by just asking the person herself."</p><p>Sorey tilted his head to the side, but noticed the gaze slipping past him.   </p><p>
  <em>Edna's awake?</em>
</p><p>Sorey had barely turned around when he felt his gun flying, but that was not even the <em>real</em> problem.</p><p>Long tapering fingers felt his hardened cock from outside the fabric of his pants, squeezing it lightly as if to massage the bulging evidence of his arousal.</p><p>Sorey felt an electric current run through him. <em>Oh god!</em> There was no way he could get <em>this</em> careless... and more so because of <em>that</em>!</p><p>The young man gave him a peck on the lips. "Sorry, I could hardly refuse a temptation when I'm in the mood. Likewise, I know what it feels to be frustrated, such a pain, isn't it?"</p><p>The hand let him go before Sorey could slap it away. He backed a few steps, breathing hard and swallowing. "I'm not--it's <em>definitely</em> not because you touched me!"</p><p>"I'm going <em>definitely</em> as well. Even losers need to earn their keep, you see. By the way, you can tell Edna I'd give her a call, in case she asks. Oh, and one other thing..."</p><p>The figure lifted his dress shirt to reveal that he was half-hard himself. "It's nice meeting you... though I'm sure you've seen enough to run away and forget what happened this morning. Not that I mind."</p><p>Sorey could only raise an eyebrow at that as the rest of him seemed to have already melted into a puddle. "Wait! You haven't told me your-"</p><p>"That won't be needed, detective... 'cause your secret's safe with me. I hate blackmail and slander... I hope you do too."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>o-----)O(-----o</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>At 8: 30 a.m., or about an hour later...     </p><p>"Good morning hotshot. We're looking awfully good today, aren't we?"</p><p>Sorey glanced at his watch, taking the cue from Zaveid who was known for his nasty habit of <em>never</em> coming on time except when he and his partner have a new assignment to discuss with the chief, an ex-general better known as <em>Thunder</em>, or the <em>Smoking Angel</em> in his younger years in the service.</p><p>Apparently, the notorious division head, who also holds the title of <em>most decorated</em> in the CIB, loves cigars... expensive ones too, with a scent that normally gives Sorey unbearable bouts of nostalgia too distracting for words but too poignant to resist. If that makes him sort of a masochist, then so be it, though even without worrying about his personal discomforts, finding anything half as good and nicotine-free no less seems an insurmountable challenge on its own.</p><p>Then again, Sorey could not imagine giving the chief anything less.</p><p>"By the way, you're early, Zaveid. What's up?"</p><p>"What do you mean, <em>what's up</em>? I got here ten minutes earlier than you, <em>Gardener</em>, for the <em>first</em> time."</p><p>Sorey used to wince mentally at the tease. Zaveid always reminds him of how lame <em>Green Knight</em> is as a pseudonym for anyone in the same profession. Though he personally thought it sounded cringy like some DC superhero alias, Zaveid thought worse and told him it sounded like a name taken right out of an environmental <em>'Go Green'</em> campaign.</p><p>Maybe he should consider <em>Gardener</em> more seriously since <em>Green Knight</em> doesn't seem so lucky... given <em>where</em> he is right now.</p><p>"Sorry, partner, but ever heard of breakfast?"   </p><p>Zaveid snorted. "Yeah, actually spotted you in that cafe across from here. And I almost thought <em>someone</em> kept you in bed longer than she should."</p><p>"I'm not like you... when it comes to women."</p><p>"How about with men?"</p><p>Sorey turns red but decides to hide it behind a folder he hastily flips as if to go over the sheaf of documents tacked in it. Not that he needs to at the moment anyway. Though the job requires extraordinary, taxing diligence, it was more out of habit or obsessive compulsion for Sorey to sift through relevant cases, legal memos and suspect profiles repeatedly for an assignment. His bright, emerald eyes, a stark contrast against the boyish tousle of dark brown hair and the light tan of his profile, have always been a little too eager as they move up and down each page carefully before resting on Zaveid.</p><p>"Look, I know you're the best partner for the job a guy could wish for, but joke on that again, and I'm giving the <em>best man</em> position to someone else."</p><p>"Oh, hey that'll be real bad news, though it wouldn't be surprising 'cause <em>Bad News</em> is my last name."</p><p>Sorey hardly needed a clue to appreciate the reference. During operations, Zaveid goes by the name <em>Bad News</em> and is the walking personification of it, to some extent.</p><p>"To be honest, I'm more worried about you cosplaying as some character from that <em>Shadow Legends</em> game."     </p><p>"Oh, yeah? No worries, I could be as prim and rosy as you want me to if I were to be the <em>Maid of Honor</em>, whaddaya think?"</p><p>He strikes a pose with one hand curled behind his ear as he stretches on the leather couch, thighs tucked together in a desperate imitation of a seductive bar hostess sprawled on a counter. Sorey shook his head with a frown. </p><p>"C'mon, quit that already, I'm trying to be serious here."</p><p>"Trying ain't gonna get you anywhere. Heard from the boss yesterday?"</p><p>"No. Unfortunately I was on a three-day special leave and only got back last night."</p><p>"Oh yeah, sorry, my memory's a bit rusty. Speaking of which, don't tell me you're already getting the wedding jitters? Hey, don't let the excitement kill yah!"</p><p>Sorey adjusted his tie from his reflection on a huge glass panel bedecked with fresh white roses. "Far from it. I'm actually having a lot of... fun."</p><p>"Really? For someone who's supposed to be a terrible liar, that took you a record-breaking three and a half seconds to say. Man, you're gettin' kinda old."</p><p>"I don't think I wanna hear that from someone ten years my senior!"</p><p>"Before that, where's my souvenir? Since you seem to have one for <em>Thunder</em>... or did you forget your 'ole buddy Zaveid?"</p><p>Almost immediately, a look of embarrassment came over Sorey. But just as Zaveid was about to roughshod him for forgetting, he threw him a packet.</p><p>"What's this? I was hoping for some expensive liquor or, hey-" Zaveid pushed the torn wrapping aside and peeked into the box. "You got me a diamond ring? Don't tell me... Alisha finally realized you have feelings for me?"  </p><p>"Not even close. But I hate that you smoke or drink. So I got you something else instead."</p><p>"Oh yeah, you cheap skate! I'm sure as hell you don't even care that Thunder smokes! Got him expensive cigars, I bet!"</p><p>The accusation was not unfounded, and it almost made him feel guilty to admit it. "C'mon, we both know his moods. Besides, I always get him the safe kind." </p><p>"So tell me, is this the <em>safe</em> kind too?" Zaveid asked, staring at the dog tag. It was half-an-inch thick, like a gold-bar pendant with a chain but of a harder metal. His name was etched on it.</p><p>"Kinda cool, right?"</p><p>"Really, Sorey, you're starting to sound like your sister." Zaveid's expression suddenly becomes scrutinizing. "Seriously, how did you get one of these?"</p><p>"Alisha knows... I mean, she has one made for me too. It's customized... for good luck."</p><p>Zaveid turned it over in his hand curiously, but the wide grin more than showed that he appreciated the token. "You think it could catch some bullets, huh?" </p><p>Sorey laughed. "She was hoping it could, and why not? Her dad was saved by it, she tells me. Consider it a lucky charm, if you're actually wearing it."</p><p>Zaveid chuckled. "Why not, sweetheart?" </p><p>A woman in her early twenties, with long, platinum-blond hair that had the slightest tinge of crimson along the tips, waved at them from an empty hallway across the lounging room. "Excuse me, but I believe the boss will see you now."</p><p>Her bright expression clouded over as soon as Zaveid made a bee-line for her.</p><p>"Missed you badly, my-"</p><p>"I'm <em>not</em> your sweetheart, your lovey-dovey, your sweet cupcake, and certainly <em>not</em> the apple <em>pie</em> of your eye either, all right?"</p><p>Though brushed off irately, Zaveid could not have been more deaf by giving it another try. "Miss Lailah, are you jealous just now, or just fishing for compliments? Sorey may be my partner, my buddy, my BFF, but you're the only damsel my tower of desire could ever <em>desire</em>."</p><p>"Well, that depends on <em>which</em> side your <em>tower of desire</em> seems to be leaning, Zaveid."</p><p>"Huh?" </p><p>"Besides, you're not needed until later. So what are you doing here so early?"</p><p>"Hey, do I need anyone's permission to see my best buddy come in for work today?"</p><p>"Zenrus will see <em>only</em> him. He needs to be introduced to the new guy."</p><p>"Oh yeah? <em>That</em> pretty boy looks like he's barely out of high school. I can't believe the CIB wants him."</p><p>Sorey could not help overhearing. "Oh? We have a new investigator?"</p><p>"Nothing's confirmed, that's what Thunder said, at least. But I did shake his hand, if that means anything. He's a beauty, so be careful..."</p><p>Sorey scratched his cheek, a habit he had not quite outgrown. "I'm not as kinky as you, so thanks, I think I'll pass."</p><p>The secretary smiled at Sorey. "By the way, I also heard about the trip. Alisha must have had a wonderful time?" She wiggled her eyebrows half-teasingly.   </p><p>Sorey sighed audibly. "Thanks, Lailah. I hope she did, though we had a pretty hectic schedule. We only had two days to meet and greet everyone. By the way..."</p><p>"What's this?" Lailah uttered a sound of surprise as she felt something in her pocket.</p><p>Sorey stealthily pats her business jacket after slipping in a small packet. "Just a souvenir."</p><p>"Oh... already on your honeymoon," she teases softly with a wink.</p><p>"Not really. We went to see her dad among other things."</p><p>"All good, I hope?"</p><p>"Definitely better than last year. He's a fighter... though Alisha got a bit emotional about it. In the end, we're relieved and happy to have made the trip."</p><p>"Glad to hear that."</p><p>"Hey, why are you ignoring me after going all secretive with Sorey back there?"</p><p>Sorey could not help but ignore the commotion Zaveid was making as he continued down the hallway to <em>Thunder</em>'s office.</p><p>If you ask anyone, the tyrannical war veteran and big boss of the 15th division can be more aptly described as a dinosaur, a T-Rex to be specific. Having been in the service the longest, it was not surprising that the high-ranking boss of seventy-one had earned more than a dozen notorious names and secret slurs that spoke of his tough, non-compromising, no-nonsense leadership in one of the most controversial hot spots in the crime department.</p><p>For Sorey Shepherdine, though, he was plainly <em>Gramps</em>, the tough mentor his parents looked up to, the one who practically raised him in the office whenever his parents had to be away for an assignment, and there was, <em>ironically</em>, no one else with an inordinate amount of patience to do some temporary babysitting.</p><p>To say the least, his parents used to remind him how he would cry and not pay attention unless it was <em>Thunder Gramps</em> who was around to keep him company, not to mention take him out on occasional walks within the perimeter fence of the high-security headquarters, where people had often seen the <em>Smoking Angel</em> also play hide and seek with the embarrassing, toddler version of Sorey. </p><p>As much as Sorey knows this, he also knows how Zenrus has fired him more than five times during his first year as a criminal investigator in the 15th. In the end, he had to secure a transfer to another department to save his career and stay on for another three years.</p><p>Only to be dumped back into the same division he started in, right after his promotion.</p><p>Life isn't fair... but then who says it is, or that it should be, anyway?</p><p>The moment he opened the door to Thunder's office, he was met with a cacophony of voices, one high-pitched and loudly agitated, the other gruff, more subdued but just as tense. To Sorey, it sounded very much like the division chief and his unfortunate visitor were having a really <em>bad</em> morning.</p><p>Sorey fixed his tie just to rest his mind somewhere. <em>Well, look who's talking. Not like I'm having fun myself...</em></p><p>"Go back to Paris and take your attitude with you, for all I care!"</p><p>"The CIB isn't your personal plaything, Gramps! I deserve to be here!"</p><p><em>Gramps?</em> Sorey wanted to peek through the crack, but proper etiquette told him that walking in on an argument that had nothing to do with you is begging for trouble.</p><p>"I should be the one to tell you that!"</p><p>"Fine! You didn't ask for me, they did! I was applying for the SDO when your men dropped in to ask if I'm interested."</p><p>"That was four years ago, kid. You turned us down, and now this?"</p><p>"I'm not a kid... and I have reasons of my own. Besides, my mind's made up. I wanna do this."</p><p>"Well, <em>I'm</em> taking this up with the entire CIB this afternoon."</p><p>"The intel's clear! You're going so far as to question CIB protocol?"</p><p>"I don't give a shit about those intel reports... and as long as I'm alive, I ain't letting anyone pull some strings for you."</p><p>"You're <em>not</em> being fair. You let <em>him</em> through... why is it different for me?"</p><p>"He's no different, but that's none of your business. I didn't raise your mom so her son could get himself killed because he's a careless asshole."</p><p>"Well, some truths are worth dying for!"</p><p>"Only idiots who don't know a goddamn thing about life think death's an easy choice." </p><p>"Gramps, I swear I'd make you regret you ever said that!"</p><p>"You don't threaten your old man that way!"</p><p>Sorey remembers it now. When he was about five or six and constantly hounded the chief like some pet or unwanted shadow, he would normally find another boy like him waiting in the chief's office and on more than several occasions had the chance to spend some time with the said boy reading and playing children's games. Thinking about it, it was that <em>other</em> kid who got him calling Thunder <em>Gramps</em> because it sounded better, and they were, supposedly, <em>never</em> going to be detectives like everybody else anyway, and even if Thunder got cranky a lot, he always treated them like his real grandchildren...  </p><p><em>Like</em> real granchildren... So, does that mean even <em>he</em> wasn't, to begin with? But just now, he thought he heard Gramps say...</p><p>Before he could dwell on the thought, though, someone yanked the door open, surprisingly pulling Sorey into the shimmer of the well-lighted office and the most intense lavender eyes he has ever seen.</p><p>It dawned on him only now... that he knew this guy and could <em>not</em> have forgotten something so important as...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Hey, you there! What are you looking around for?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to peek. I was looking for Thunder."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You can come in, I guess. So you must be-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh, my name?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sorey. How about yours?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why do I have to tell you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh, because I asked? And... don't you think it's rude not to say your name after asking about someone else's?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I didn't know that. Did Gramps say it was?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, Thunder did."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, aren't you being just as rude calling Gramps, Thunder? Gramps sounds a lot better... because it's more repspect-uh... recspec-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Respectful? Or because he's your grandfather?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not very much. My mom has another dad... but he died. Then Gramps took care of her."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I see. So I guess it's the same? My dad isn't my real dad anyway. But I love him just like the real one."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are there any fake parents?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't suppose... but... I guess when they adopt you... or your mom marries again like mine did, they become as good as real parents."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If that's true, then you should call Gramps the same way I do. Thunder is only for other folks."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are-are you sure it's okay?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not giving him away, Sorey! I'm just sharing him with you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, I guess I should say thanks? But you still haven't told me your name."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If I give you my true name, you'd have power over me. I read about it... here..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh... but, isn't that a story about angels? I also read it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh-huh. It's a good one, isn't it? What other stories do you like?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh, I love all kinds of--wait. I'm not gonna tell."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What? What got you being secretive all of a... well, never mind. If that's how you feel, I guess it doesn't matter."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine, it doesn't matter."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"...."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So why you keep staring?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your eyes are pretty... like a purple flower. Are they real?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course. How about yours?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Green isn't all that nice. I like yours better. I think your eyes are your best... uh... asset!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ass... set?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Like a treasure? Or something that makes you... uh... extra special..." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey, you're doing it again. Can you just stop?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not a girl..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, you're not. So?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Just... stop it. It's making me feel uncomfortable."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not unless you tell me your true name. Just to be fair."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What if the story's true? How can I be sure you're not going to use your power?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well, you already know my name and... you're not doing anything mean to me, are you? And in school, we say our names out loud so everyone will know. Nothing bad happens... err... nothing I know of."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So, do you like school? You have... friends?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh, it's kinda fun. How about you?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I... I still think coming here and reading by myself or with Gramps is the best."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Uh, what's in a name anyway? Do-uh, did bad things happen in school because of it?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Names are pretty dangerous. People can do horrible things with them... like they make fun of names and write them everywhere so everyone can see. Gramps calls them bullies."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm never gonna be mean to you just because I know your name. I'm powerless, I swear!"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You sound like a loser. But Gramps says, 'the only power we have is the power to help others...' I want to believe it's true."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"See? So you can trust me with your name." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine, if you promise to tell me what other stories you like."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Will you let me read with you too?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"If Gramps lets us. Hmmm, but don't worry... I know he'd let us if we ask him nicely."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Then I promise, cross my heart! So tell me your true name."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sheesh, aren't you a wee bit gullible? I only have one name."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But Thunder doesn't. And even my mom and dad have secret names... how about yours?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Well... I could ask... but I don't think they'd tell me anyway. Are your parents even detectives like mine?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah! Just like Thun-uh, oh, just like Gramps!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But my name isn't as cute as yours. I think Sorey sounds cool."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But you're cute. So any name would just be perfect, I'm sure!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Do you always say things like that with a straight face?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Things like... you're cute?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How many times do you have to-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm just being honest! But... if you really, really hate it... I'm sorry for saying you're cute... and I'll never say you're pretty, even if it's true."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But you just-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Even if I think you're too beautiful to be real, I'm never gonna say it out loud ever a-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine, enough already! If you wanna know my name that badly, it isn't much. It's just-" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"M-Mik...leo?"   </p><p>Fine, silver hair that shone with a luminescence that made Sorey suddenly think of halos was enough to make his vision blur as memories of that intruder in his apartment became more vivid than ever. Now that Sorey could see it up close, that face he had mistaken for a stranger's cannot but belong to someone he knew or used to know like the back of his head... a certain face that, though more mature and sophisticated at twenty-three, reflected the same flawless features that belonged to his first-ever friend and childhood playmate.</p><p>
  <em>Well... in that once-upon-a-time chapter of my life at least. Though there's no such thing as a closed book... or a finished story.</em>
</p><p>Saying that now in his mind sounds like a fairy tale, but the fact that they knew each other from long ago should be no less true than his name is Sorey Shepherdine.</p><p>Across from where he stood, the look of absolute recognition that met his hesitant greeting seemed as unflinching as the gun he had aimed that morning during their rude and unexpected re-acquaintance.</p><p>"Well, well, welcome back to memory lane, Sorey. Guess selective amnesia doesn't strike <em>more</em> than <em>once</em>."</p><p>Sorey felt like the world just spun for two seconds. "I-sorry about that... I mean, I-I didn't think... I had no idea it was <em>really</em> you..."</p><p>"Ten years does that a lot."</p><p>"You haven't changed a bit. So I guess it was me."</p><p>Mikleo leveled a gaze at him, though to the detective it felt more like a deep, unflinching stare that coyly traveled from his face down his crotch. Reminded of that incident in the kitchen, Sorey felt the same feelings rush in his loins. He needed coffee right now... black coffee... and to think he had just about ten cups of it in a breakfast diner on his way here after <em>that</em>.</p><p>Mikleo stood up from where he sat on the edge of Thunder's office desk and circled Sorey. Being a full-head shorter than the tall, lanky, well-toned detective who had frozen up the moment he closed the gap between them, Mikleo would seem as if he was sniffing the other on purpose.</p><p>Like an angel fully decked in the lightest gray which seemed to stand out even more because it was bare except for a stripe of turquoise green in the middle, the slender figure nonetheless appeared no less intimidating when he fixed Sorey a steely, expressionless gaze. Though to the taller detective he looked fragile in his height and size, and with that delicate, feline face that almost made him seem like some sensitive bud that would wither the moment it was plucked, Sorey did his best to keep his expression neutral. A part of him though, could hardly keep his own gaze from softening, from showing the heartfelt emotions of one who had newly-discovered something he genuinely thought he had lost. </p><p>Acknowledging those feelings... reservations... unwelcome uncertainties, however, hardly changes anything either. For now, Sorey tried to swallow, hoping he could relax enough to say something without stuttering.</p><p>"Uh, so... sin-since when did you get back?"</p><p>The question was immediately met with a huffing sound. "You didn't even bother to ask when I left. So why should you be curious <em>now</em>?"</p><p>Sorey would have been miffed at the rude reception. But something was pushing inside of him... guilt, concern, vague feelings of anger, abandonment, frustration... To say the least, the flood of memories scorched him like a massive heartburn, bringing with it a whirlwind of half-baked feelings he must have buried deep down all this time, in some bottomless tunnel, so as to keep them calm, quiet... sedated like a wild animal that could easily hurt anyone.</p><p>Because feelings hurt. And the harder you try to change them, the more they fight back, the way stubborn people do... the way he always does.</p><p>This time, he clenched his fist, trying to keep himself from bursting. "I was worried when you just disappeared! I tried to find out what happened, but no one would say any-"</p><p>"My parents were killed."</p><p>Sorey felt his heart stop. He knew that feeling, like a bomb had been dropped on you dissipating every good memory, every cherished childhood dream or hope you might have ever had back when you could afford the belief that families stay together forever... that families are meant to be the support that stays on through thick and thin...</p><p>Just like Mikleo, he lost the only family he had known or cared about, and though it happened four years ago, the agony, the sense of loss, only seemed to get worse each passing year. He was already eighteen when it happened, already in college and decided on majoring in either History or Sociology because far from wanting to be involved in the chaos, he preferred to analyse them, dissect them from a distance. But the sudden shock of losing his parents in some incident abroad, miles away in a place he could have never known or reached, left him feeling just as vulnerable.</p><p>What more in Mikleo's case... what more in the case of someone who was barely a teenager when it happened...</p><p>Someone whose world revolved around his mom and dad, and the callous, stern, and fearsome Gramps, and no one else.</p><p>Someone who probably only had Sorey as a tedious substitute for friends he could have had, if he wanted them enough.</p><p>In the end, he and Mikleo were no different. No matter what they felt, they were never there for their loved ones in their darkest moments.</p><p>For Sorey, it was worse. He was nowhere near enough or strong enough to save anyone.</p><p>He was <em>never</em> <em>nearly</em> brave enough to bother with truths... the kind Mikleo must be searching for.               </p><p>"Mikleo, I... I really didn't know... I tried finding out but-"</p><p>"Nothing I haven't already done. But I guess secrets are meant to get uglier the more you try to dig them up... No bodies, not even an explanation. Just a confirmation from witnesses no one even knows and a death certificate that begs the question."</p><p>"Luzrov Rulay, that's about enough. You're forgetting-"</p><p>"I'm <em>not</em> forgetting anything, Thunder!"</p><p><em>T-Thunder?</em> Sorey reeled from the shift in reference. It could never sound right when the same childhood friend talking right now was the one who got him calling the fearsome ex-general <em>Gramps </em>in the first place.</p><p>"It's <em>classified</em> information, that's all anyone ever needs to know." Sorey watched the old man light a cigar and make a deep inhale. "Those who hold grudges over things that can't be avoided have no business being here. We need people who can think straight... not brats with abandonment issues."</p><p>"So I'm nothing but a brat to you? I thrived on my own, I survived without asking for <em>your</em> help-"</p><p>The chief slammed a sheaf of papers on the desk, and they scattered like dead leaves landing on Sorey's feet.</p><p>"I have reports about you associating with the worst scum in the continent! Letting yourself be used and abused... letting your name be soiled with secrets darker than anything that's ever been done by any of us here... you threw away the life more precious to those who couldn't even keep their own."</p><p>Sorey thought he saw a glimmer of agony and guilty frustration in the old man's face, a look no one has perhaps ever seen in those grey eyes before. </p><p>Mikleo's eyes seemed just as clouded. "Dirty truths don't mean a thing when you think of all the lies behind the people we kill."</p><p>"We only get to choose the way we live, not always the way we die. Muse could not have chosen her way of death... The same goes for anyone who's chosen <em>this path</em> among others."</p><p><em>And the path for broken souls is always an open highway...</em> Sorey suddenly remembered. He heard his mom say it once, and having remembered those words, the flow of time seemed to have turned on itself, memories passing him by like speeding cars in a freeway... faded and blurred, hazy and vague. </p><p>A car. There was a bomb in that armored car... a car that was supposed to be able to withstand tougher bullets because it was an ambassador's limousine... except that the ambassador himself was not in it but the Shepherdines...</p><p>Embassy protocol says, and Sorey knows it pretty much as a standard, that private use by civilians of government transport meant for foreign ministers is not allowed unless they are merely accompanying said official. The obvious question, then, is, <em>how did the Shepherdines turn up as victims of a terrorist attack on a foreign minister?</em> Yet the CIB says there is no mystery in their deaths at all... just an unfortunate terrorist incident yielding collateral damage.</p><p>Collateral damage means one thing: there was a misfire and the resulting death or damage was not the one originally intended. </p><p>So if his own parents were mere collateral damage from the killer's perspective, who gets the blame?</p><p>If the result was intended although the actual victim was not part of that intention, then whose choice was it to let someone die? </p><p>The killer? Or the one who deceived the killer with a <em>dummy</em> so the real target could escape?</p><p>To be used as a scapegoat, a <em>dummy</em>... is that not even <em>stupid</em>?   </p><p>Sorey saw the agony in Mikleo's eyes. Did he have the same look four years ago when his own parents died? Did he, <em>unlike</em> Mikleo, forget so easily?     </p><p>Mikleo seems unfazed. "That's all you can say? Killed in the line of duty... highly classified operation... that kind of bullshit? I was a stupid, useless thirteen-year-old to believe it, what else could I've done? I was supposed to listen and not ask questions! But I don't have to live with that anymore... I don't have to hide in the dark and pretend I'm safe and happy knowing nothing about anything!"</p><p>"Excuses, no matter how pitiful, can never justify a self-serving course of action."</p><p>"I'm sick and tired of your lectures, old man!"</p><p>"You ran away... you threw your life away and got nothing but scars to show for it. No one takes in a loser who's given up on himself a long time ago."</p><p>"I can't afford that kind of pride anymore." Mikleo clenches a fist. "All I know is, even dogs know the master that pulls the leash. So go ahead... treat me like a dog if you will. 'Cause I'm back, and I'm not going anywhere!"</p><p>Sorey looks on as cigar smoke wafts in ringlets between them. "Get as far away from here as you can. You're still young... Muse would have said the same if she were alive. It's not too late to start over..."</p><p>"I can't... not after everything I've been through... everything I've seen. I'm better off dead if that's all I can do..."</p><p>The sudden drop in Mikleo's steely voice was enough for Sorey's body to move on its own. Without him knowing why, he had both arms around Mikleo, in an embrace that he can only vaguely recall as achingly familiar... more familiar than he can probably afford to remember at the moment.</p><p>"I-I'm really sorry to hear about it. I never knew... not until now..."</p><p>"What <em>more</em> do you want to hear from me?"</p><p>Sorey felt his mind reel for answers, but nothing came, because nothing was needed. As if his body had a mind of its own, his arms wrapped themselves around the other's waist, feeling the flutter of memories ease the tight, painful squeeze he felt in his chest when their bodies touched.</p><p>In the deepest recesses of his mind, something had been lit... like a flame had burst into color, illuminating the shadows and cobwebs that kept him from seeing what was supposed to be clear from the very beginning.</p><p>"I'm here, Mikleo. You don't have to say anything, it's all right... everything's gonna be all right, I promise."</p><p>Mikleo fought the urge to cry. "Convenient thing to say... but nothing's simple anymore."</p><p>Sorey chuckled to that, feeling his own eyes sting and become a little sandy. "But Mikleo, when have you ever been simple to begin with? Not that it matters now..." he whispered, feeling the shiver of breath against his own, the clenched fist and hardened knuckles that resisted him like a wounded prey.</p><p>Mikleo kept pushing, but it was hardly enough to keep Sorey at an arm's length.</p><p>"I know it's hard, it cuts like nothing you've ever felt before, like the wound only gets deeper no matter what anybody says. So... for now... for just a little while longer, let me hold you like this..."</p><p>"I don't need your sympathy."</p><p>Sorey felt a tear roll down his cheek. Why is he the one crying now?</p><p>"Gotcha. I understand perfectly..."</p><p>"Don't presume you do-"</p><p>"I know it's <em>never</em> enough, but even if you hate to hear it... even if you think it's pointless, I want to say it anyway... that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Mikleo... I'm sorry for not remembering like I should. I may <em>not</em> be the best person to stand by you... or the one who has all the right answers to all your questions... but no matter what happens, you'll never be alone again. I'd <em>never</em> leave you alone <em>ever</em>, I promise..."</p><p>
  <em>Because there's nothing I want more than to see you smile again... the way you used to smile for me back then.</em>
</p><p>For some reason, Mikleo felt the tight squeeze rob him of all his energy. He had wanted to twist away, to escape the emotional bonds that caged him and was keeping him in a place that was too warm for comfort... a place he had been wanting to reach for the longest time but could not. And now that it was finally here, he felt confused about accepting it, knowing it was a feeling he could not afford to get used to... not when it could bring more harm than good...</p><p>The way old memories and lingering feelings often do.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>o)------------o)O(o------------(o</strong>
</p><p>                     </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sometimes What is Bitter is Also Good</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorey learns that there are things beyond friendship... maybe even beyond what he thought he knew was love.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some people wonder why in most of my fics Alisha has a presence... (other fics do it better, I know) but I guess the most rational explanation I could give is that I've always believed that there's nothing wrong in the way she's been written originally. She was a princess who went looking for a Shepherd to save her kingdom, not the world. She didn't come looking for a man to marry, to give her a throne and make her a queen. It was not tragic that she didn't end up with Sorey. And unlike the "new" Aerith of FFVII she didn't have to play the part of that good girl the MC had a crush on but was only there to make him realize that he was meant for someone else.</p><p>In fact Alisha wanted to be with Sorey longer... because he was a tool for the peace negotiations in Pendrago. Sorey didn't need Alisha to realize that he has a dream of his own. Rather, it was Alisha who needed to be reminded that helping her was NEVER his end goal... that although choosing to be the Shepherd meant lending her his power, that power was a means to a greater end... which is to unite a world divided within and without.</p><p>I remember Griffith saying in Berserk... "A man can do without love... but he cannot be a man without a dream and call himself a man." I think Sorey is an embodiment of a hero who crosses that threshold and overcomes Griffith's and Guts's dichotomies. Because for Sorey a "dream" is not an "ultimate" end, but just an instrument for making the ultimate sacrifice... to unite the world for humans and seraphim because that world is the same world Mikleo would dwell in for the longest time long after Sorey has finally lived out his human life.</p><p>This reminds me of that BL manga where the MC fell in love with someone who'd eventually lose his hearing... so he tries to understand what it's like for deaf people to try to live in a world full of sound, and along the way he realizes that he needs to work harder to help ordinary people understand the frustration. Because only then will they develop compassion (not pity) for those with disabilities.</p><p>This completely parallels what Sorey was willing to do for Mikleo. Sorey wanting to change the world for Mikleo and the seraphim is way better than any "I LOVE YOU" for me.    </p><p>Going back to Alisha... Sorey knew uniting humans, healing the strife between them was a task for politicians, not shepherds. Naive and geeky as he seemed, he realized that some problems could only be solved by politics. His dream goes beyond Alisha's world... because the divide between humans and seraphim is a divide beyond human/political boundaries. And it is for the same reason that Zestiria could have NEVER BEEN ABOUT SOREY and ALISHA even if Alisha seemed important at the beginning. (Yeah I'm still salty over that article posted by some reviewer saying Zestiria was clearly meant to be Alisha's story, and Sorey, the ideal partner who helps her realize "her dream.")  </p><p>I guess the obvious question is, so what? Even in an AU fic, my take on Alisha's character is still largely influenced by the nuances in the original versions that seem interesting enough to develop/rewrite.</p><p>In my stories, I want Alisha to be an individual on her own, not just a narrative device to make someone realize he loves someone better (Domestic no Kanojo cliche?). Even in the game/anime, Sorey didn't need Alisha to grow into a mature person and choose Mikleo (so Alisha was never "trampled upon" as some say). ^_^ Those who ship her have every right to their ship, but it goes beyond shipping when you say that a person who writes SorMik fanfics only played the game for the "gay" or didn't know anything about the game or the story because they're "gay shippers." The assumption is (@!$#). That's like telling a straight girl like me that I could fall for any guy out there for as long as he's a guy.</p><p>Despite the shipping wars Alisha spawned, I still enjoy rewriting her in my stories... and I realized as of late that her relationship with Sorey is supposed to show their growth as characters, and not a simple means to an end... (the way Aerith seemed to have been rewritten, but I could be wrong :(). Of course, I could not have said this 3-4 years ago when it's easy to get dragged into the controversy and overreact (I still react, but only to bullying.) </p><p>I'm not sure if I was fair to Alisha's character in "When the World Revolves..." She does a lot of "pining" for Sorey, true, but I would like to believe her attachment to Sorey (even in the game version) is quite similar to needing a person who "embodies" all your ideals. I'm continuing all my fics, but I realized I needed to be more careful writing Alisha in the future (this fic included).  </p><p>This clarification is long overdue, and the LAST ONE I'll be writing. Hopefully, I'm the only one who needs to get it out of my system. ^_^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>o)------------o)O(o------------(o</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The playgrounds they get rusty</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And your heart beats another ten thousand times before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I got the chance to say, "I missed you..."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Well, we met each other at the house of runaways</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I remember it perfectly, we were running on honesty</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We moved together like a silver lock and key</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But now that your lock has changed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know I can't fit that way...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The playgrounds they get rusty</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And your heart beats another ten thousand times before</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I got the chance to say, "I want you..."</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>When it gets hard, </em> <em>I get a little stronger now </em></p><p>
  <em>I get a little braver now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when it gets dark, I get a little brighter now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I get a little wiser now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before I give my heart away...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-New Empire, "A Little Braver"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>o)------------o)O(o-----------(o</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Cheshire Rise was nothing more than a few blocks away from Monochrome Towers, home to the National Security and International Crimes Department better known as the 15th division of the Criminal Investigation Bureau or the CIB. But the fact that Sorey had to do some grocery-hopping took them a mile or two from his place of residence, which the slow and lazy traffic seemed to have pushed only farther away. It was hardly just a coincidence, though, as Sorey deliberately made detours, seeing that Mikleo seemed more relaxed beside him in the passenger seat, appreciating the view from a rolled-down window that let the cool air in, signalling a weather that was close to perfect.</p><p>Sorey felt more relaxed, probably realizing just now that it has been a long time since he took anyone for a long drive around the city like this. It eased the tension he had been feeling since he got back from that out-of-the-country trip that acquainted him with Alisha's family and friends back in her hometown.</p><p>Of course, having to witness a clash of wills, an ideological word war between Mikleo and Gramps must be emotionally harrowing no less, but for some reason, Sorey felt nothing but relief for being there. Without stretching it too far, he could almost say he was grateful to have had the chance to hear all of that. It provoked memories and feelings he had set aside for so long that in those few minutes he had been there, he seemed to have had an epiphany worth several lifetimes... lifetimes that felt as if he had been dead for so long and had just been reawakened now. </p><p>"Sorey, do you mind telling me where we're heading?"</p><p>"My apartment?"</p><p>"Oh. That's an apartment? I thought you live in a hotel room... that's as huge as a three-bedroom apartment."</p><p>Sorey felt like laughing, but he was worried that his enthusiasm might put a lot of pressure on Mikleo to brighten up his mood. He settled with a low chuckle.</p><p>"I almost didn't understand what the CIB meant when they said it's an incentive I shouldn't refuse."</p><p>"An incentive for what? For bonding with the bastards until they get you killed or someone kills you? Oh, sorry... but that's how I should have seen it when we were younger."</p><p>"I'm not disagreeing."</p><p>"Look, I appreciate this, but to be honest... I'd feel better staying with friends of mine for the time being."</p><p>"I'm a friend too."</p><p>"Used to."</p><p>"Ouch."</p><p>"Easy. I don't kiss hurts away just to make them better."</p><p>Sorey stepped on the accelerator. "I think I should get you home faster so you won't have time for second thoughts."</p><p>"Oh god."</p><p>Sorey smiled nervously. Mikleo senses his phone vibrating, but turns it off after checking the screen.</p><p>"Are you sure about that?"</p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"About not taking that call? You don't have to mind me."</p><p>"But I <em>do</em> mind. Besides, I really... don't feel like talking with anyone else right now."</p><p>Sorey hears his phone ringing, and glances at Mikleo. "Is it all right? It's Alisha."</p><p>"She's your fiancee, right? You better answer that."</p><p>"Yes, <em>ma'am</em>."</p><p>"What the-" Mikleo exhales instead and decides to turn on his phone to play some music, plugging in earphones as he throws Sorey a cold, steely, sidelong glance. Sorey only chuckles to it. He knows that sooner or later, Mikleo <em>will</em> get back at him for that remark.</p><p>"Yeah? Uh, I'm heading to the apartment right now. Nah, Thunder is meeting with the CIB so there's nothing much to do. About that, I guess it's a work in progress, but if you prefer I'll go over the reports and see if there's anything important that needs attention. Uh... no... technically we'll have to reschedule the briefing for the day after tomorrow. Not sure about tomorrow... but I'll check with Lailah. And by the way... uh... no need to wait up, I mean... I owe Edna dinner so... I was hoping to make up for it today somehow. Yeah, all right, thanks, Alisha."</p><p>Mikleo turns off his phone as soon as Sorey puts his own back to its cradle. "All good?"</p><p>"Yeah. Good thing she called or I might have forgotten I got to be somewhere."</p><p>"Your fiancee seems understanding enough to let you off the hook so easily."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"I mean... you were skipping on a date because of Edna? She's your sister, I know, but... aren't you spoiling her just a little bit?"</p><p>"Edna's cool. I could tell she loves dad... and she misses him a lot. She lost her mom ten years ago. Edna's been raised by her mom all by herself before dad came. She and dad never had their own, but he raised Edna like a real daughter when his wife, Edna's mom, passed away. And it's kinda easy to see that from the way Edna seems to treasure all their memories together. I heard she has no siblings or even cousins on either side... and she's never even seen her biological father. It's almost the same with me, I mean, my biological dad's an only child, and the same goes for my mom and my stepdad."</p><p>"So it's like, birds of the same feather <em>attract</em> each other... when it comes to you and Edna."</p><p>"Just us? Given that none of us are blood-related, it hardly feels like coincidence when you realize we've all been in the same boat before."   </p><p>"True. So... you two must have plans for tomorrow, I mean... I understand you're off from work."</p><p>"Uh, it's only Thursday, and Edna has school."</p><p>"I know that. I was talking about you and Alisha, sheesh. I'm pretty sure <em>Gramps</em> was being considerate."</p><p>Sorey grinned. Hearing Mikleo revert to his old habit of calling <em>Thunder</em> 'Gramps' made his chest almost burst with a feeling of things sinking back into their proper places. It was hard to explain, but it made him feel a twisting, sort-of-nostalgic ache that was not so much as poignant or frustrating as it felt back in the office. This one felt more... exhilarating... like finding out he could breathe again after a long time of being kept in the darkest tunnel with walls closing in on you. </p><p>"I wasn't sure he was happy about it when I asked. But I guess Gramps knew I have reasons."</p><p>"Such as? Only if you don't mind saying..."</p><p>"Actually, I was hoping you'd let me help... you know, with stuff you might need to settle down. That's why I asked Gramps--I mean, we'll have an entire day tomorrow, right? We can use that to find you a place-"</p><p>"Sorey, weren't you paying attention? Gramps got a bone to pick with the CIB. I'm sure my transfer's gonna be rejected, and I'd have to pack my bags right after-"</p><p>Sorey's jaw set in a grim line. "Nah, he's not gonna do that."</p><p>Mikleo narrowed his eyes. "And what makes you so sure?"</p><p>"Just... a certain feeling that things will be fine. My gut never lies."</p><p>Mikleo huffs. "I don't know about that. I mean, you almost sound like Edna when you put it that way."</p><p>"Trust me on this, Mikleo. Besides... I'd feel better if you stay."</p><p>"The word <em>stay</em> right now seems like being stuck in a place I don't quite belong."</p><p>"Take your time, it's not like you need to be in a hurry to adapt." Sorey smiles. "I'd be around to help, even Gramps. He's got a soft spot for you, Mikleo, I can tell... It's been ten years, but he's hardly changed. I think we're the only ones who could ever get him so mad. But, if there's anything he <em>can't</em> do, it's putting you in harm's way..."</p><p>"I admire your optimism. But don't you think that's the very reason he won't let me in the CIB?"</p><p>Sorey catches Mikleo's sidelong glance. "With you being so stubborn, even Gramps doesn't stand a chance. Besides, he already knows I'm on your side."</p><p>"Tell me about it," Mikleo looks outside the window, watching the early afterglow cast a soft light around them. </p><p>"Seriously, I think it's better if you stick closer to home where I can keep an eye on you."</p><p>"Wait... you've already started looking?" Mikleo had been wondering why Sorey seemed so relaxed driving him around for two hours now. </p><p>"I'm not supposed to tell you but... maybe after dinner should be fine. We have a lot of catching up to do anyway."</p><p>"Thanks, I appreciate the company, but I'm planning to eat out alone or maybe, just get a drink."</p><p>"Hey, I'm cooking! You think I'd let you skip out when I bought so much?"</p><p>"Who asked you anyway? I thought you said you're celebrating with Edna..." Mikleo just had to stop there. It did not seem so cool right now to let Sorey know that he had just eavesdropped on his conversation with Alisha.</p><p>"Oh, that. Well... Edna's not really home until after dinner. But it's no reason for me not to cook since I don't really feel good just letting her pig on junk food before bedtime."</p><p>"B-bedtime?" Mikleo almost gagged saying it.</p><p>"W-what now?" Sorey could not help sucking in his breath watching Mikleo's profile from the mirror. "You're... laughing?"</p><p>Mikleo shook his head. "In your dreams. I ain't so happy that I can afford that. I was just surprised how good you are at... uh... babysitting. Like bedtime sounds like... bedtime stories? Do you even sing her lullabies?"</p><p>"Shut up. I swear I'm not going to let you have a single drink for that."</p><p>"No, please, that's like... taking my oxygen!"</p><p>"<em>Like</em> is not the same as <em>the same thing</em>. Believe me, you'd live."</p><p>"What's it with you <em>and</em> drinking?" Mikleo huffed, matching the stubborn way Sorey's eyes narrowed at him. "You're such a prude even back then."</p><p>"Just one shot of wine and that's it. It's not even good for you."</p><p>"What are you, my mom?"</p><p>"If I were, I'd say worse."</p><p>"Working for the CIB ain't good for anyone. Plan on disagreeing this time?"</p><p>"Just... drinking <em>can't</em> be good. Trust me on this."</p><p>"Can't live without it... might as well slit my throat or do worse."</p><p>Sorey was suddenly quiet. Mikleo raised an eyebrow at that.</p><p>"What now? Did I piss you over something like that?"</p><p>Sorey glanced at the overhead mirror, unable to meet Mikleo's stare. "I... had a partner before. We had a little drink one night... at someone's party so it's not like it's just us two..."</p><p>Mikleo snorted. "Easy, Sorey. You don't have to qualify every point but... yeah, anyway, go on."</p><p>"Well... we had a bit of an emergency on our way home. A random shooter entered a family diner... and my partner got a little hyped about it. He was in no position to respond to a critical situation like that given he's already a bit tipsy, but... well... Boris ended up-</p><p>"Being a casualty?" Mikleo interrupted, trying to spare his friend from having to say something that seemed too disturbing to recall. </p><p>"He took out the devil with three shots. Two got the bastard on the chest. DOA."</p><p>"So what's wrong about-"</p><p>"The third bullet was a near miss. It went through the guy's hand and hit a kid who, just as the commotion started, came running from behind a counter at 3 o'clock... so it was a bit-"</p><p>"On the peripheral side... which gets bad when your focus isn't <em>that</em> good to begin with. Some people with 20/20 vision can be poor at it, like they're blindsided easily. But, unless there's proof he could have aimed better, he can get away with a mistake like that regardless of the consequences... I mean... if you rule out mild intoxication, what evidence do you have that the outcome would've been different?"</p><p>"Intoxication wasn't even in the records."</p><p>"But I thought-"</p><p>"I quit the division right after."</p><p>Mikleo got the hint. </p><p>"In any case, Boris was a sharp shooter... probably the best in the CIB. Even if no one said anything about his state of preparedness, he would have gotten away clean anyway. The only casualty from his actions after all was a kid an employee brought to work against standard regulations. She admitted not having anyone to babysit during her shift, so she let her little girl hang around where she's not supposed to. Her co-workers' tolerating that sort of thing became a questionable irregularity that put as much blame on the establishment and the employer as it did on the CIB..."</p><p>"That little girl..." Mikleo felt hesitant to ask, but his curiosity had already been aroused. "... don't tell me she-"</p><p>Sorey stepped on the brakes as he parked the car. "She's been in a coma for three years... in this hospital. I... sorry, this wasn't planned, I mean, while we were discussing it, my mind just-"</p><p>"Decided on its own? Tell me, if you had another brain to tell the first one what to do, wouldn't it be worse? You used to act on impulse all the time anyway... not that I'm complaining."</p><p>"Sounds like you're complimenting me for the first time!"</p><p>"I think <em>impulsive</em> is not a compliment." Mikleo could not help being a little sly about it. It was as if they were back in Thunder's private library pouring over books and every little detail they could risk arguing about when they were kids. </p><p>"How was I impulsive?"</p><p>"Shut up. You just want me to talk about you."</p><p>Sorey held the doors of the elevator for Mikleo. "Are you sure you don't mind coming along?"</p><p>"Well, I can't stay here, I hate basement parking, makes me feel so-"</p><p>"Cramped? I feel the same. But... you're okay with hospitals now? I mean... I remember when we visited Gramps one time... err... you almost fainted?"</p><p>Mikleo frowned. "You seem to have a pretty good memory when it comes to embarrassing stuff."</p><p>"Hey, you're the one who kept telling me back then not to forget stuff about you! And I know you've always been sensitive to scents and odors."</p><p>"Yeah, remind me. Disinfectants arouse my germs too much."</p><p>Sorey laughs a little, then leads him through a corridor on the seventh floor. After talking to someone at the nurses' station and exchanging their IDs with temporary security passes, they were led to a hallway with dimmer lights. Mikleo could not help looking around curiously.</p><p>"Still okay?" Sorey whispers at him over his shoulder.</p><p>"Stop asking every five minutes."</p><p>"Uh, she's over here... I suddenly wish I brought her something..."</p><p>Mikleo stands next to Sorey, watching him brush strands of hair off the little girl's hollow cheeks. To Mikleo, the gentle sleeper looked so small, so pale, thin, and helpless that one might think she was drowning in the sheets tucked under her chin. Mikleo could not help gazing down her bony fingers and that lifeless wrist which had a pink tag around it.</p><p>"You said you wanted to bring her something," Mikleo began tentatively, "... but from the way it looks, I don't think she'd-"</p><p>"Well, I've read somewhere that even in their state they can actually hear us..."</p><p>"Well, she should be thankful then," Mikleo grins. "Just think of me as a giant sponge capable of sucking negative thoughts and flushing them onto someone else."</p><p>"Someone like me?"</p><p>"Your being a push-over is to blame. But for her sake, I promise to be good."</p><p>Sorey gives him a wistful, sidelong glance.</p><p>"What now?"</p><p>"Thanks. I'm glad you're okay with this."</p><p>"Skip the cringy thanks, all right? It's not like I'm such an awesome person to have around anyway."</p><p>"That doesn't take away the fact that I've really missed you..."</p><p>"Oh really? Are you sure you didn't just hit your head? I didn't know this set-up could arouse the hopeless romantic in you."</p><p>"Seriously, getting to talk like this... is something I haven't been able to do in a long time. It almost hurts remembering just how much I looked forward to our times together back then."</p><p>Mikleo looks away. "Hope that opinion stays when you realize I'm hardly the same person you think I am. I even touched you-" </p><p>Sorey felt his face heat up. "W-well... I'll try not to think about it <em>that</em> much... is all I can promise."   </p><p>"You better-" Mikleo pauses as Sorey touches the cover of a small book on the patient's bedside table. "A... prayer book?"</p><p>"Yeah. I left it here last time. Nice to know they didn't put it away."</p><p>Mikleo sighed. "You're hopeless."</p><p>"W-what was that?"</p><p>"I bet you come here every chance you get... right before or after your <em>date</em> rendezvous."</p><p>"True, but... actually..." Sorey looks away. "You're the first person I took with me to visit her."</p><p>Mikleo tried his best not to look <em>too</em> surprised. Not that the feeling is hardly pleasant. "So you mean... in case something unexpected happens, I can actually blame it on me?"</p><p>Sorey grins at the joke. "Yeah, right. By the way, her name's Natalie. Her birthday's three days from now. So I guess it's not too early to greet her happy birthday?"</p><p>"Well, happy, <em>happy</em> birthday then, Natalie..." Mikleo whispers, following the hushed way in which Sorey was speaking. "Uh, I guess number one on your wish list right now is to get better, so I'm gonna say the same. I mean... you're missing out on a lot... but who am I kidding, the world's a terrible mess, even I'm a part of it. Still, I could think of a ton of excuses why you should be out of this bed right this instant... like, you better check out this hot dude standing right next to me."</p><p>Sorey laughs. "I don't think that's enough. I've been coming here every week and she just kept on ignoring me."</p><p>"And whose fault was that?" Mikleo huffs with a pout. "But, seriously, Natalie, this hot stuff is harmless. Well, yeah, he's <em>taken</em>... but taken doesn't mean impossible, right?"</p><p>Sorey laughs a little, but Mikleo pretends to shush him with an angry scowl. "Seriously, if I were you, I'd take advantage of his easy pocket and dorky looks to make every other girl green with envy when I say, <em>hey, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do</em>... And that's <em>not</em> even the best part."</p><p>Sorey raises an eyebrow as Mikleo leans into Natalie's ear, wearing a nasty, teasing look. "Just between us, this man is <em>huge...</em> you'd never ever have to doubt the <em>size</em> of his manly charms once you see it."</p><p>Sorey actually felt his face and neck growing hot. "Y-you're kidding, right?"</p><p>"See? How massive his perverse imagination is? I mean, he looks flustered as we speak because he probably thinks I was talking about the size of his cock-"</p><p>A nurse attending to a patient three beds away turned their way, obviously overhearing that last part. She made a slight, hushed sound as if to say they were being loud even for patients who were supposed to be unaware.</p><p>"Err... shuttlecock, that is..." Mikleo corrected himself with a fake smile.</p><p>"Excuse us," Sorey whispered back, scratching his cheek.</p><p>"What's her problem?" Mikleo huffs with a glare this time, the moment the nurse left. "No wonder patients around here seem so lifeless... though watching Natalie like this, I can't help wondering how I'd do better being where she is right now on this bed..."</p><p>"Mikleo-"</p><p>"Don't get me wrong. I hate pity so I can't even give Natalie <em>that</em>. But just imagining anyone spending years lying down in this dark room... without anyone to share her pain... We've seen all kinds of scum, and god knows, most of them are doing better than Natalie right now. Doesn't that make you wanna ask, why can't the world cut Natalie some slack and give her a second chance instead of letting me or whatever other bastard you can name walk out of danger like the world even needs us...?"</p><p>Sorey had one hand on Mikleo's shoulder, threatening to shake him. "Mikleo... you're not! I don't want to hear you calling yourself like that... it's just... so wrong!"</p><p>Mikleo touches the hand on his shoulder only to push it away gently. "No need to patronize me, Sorey. I just wish I could change myself because the world is too big to change, and it's not even worth it."</p><p>"It is. And just... maybe... that's one of the reasons you're here," Sorey whispers, one hand going up Mikleo's face to cradle his left cheek. "Sometimes, being alive, staying by someone's side is enough... to give that person a reason to go on living."</p><p>Mikleo slaps his hand away. "No offense, but I'm prone to misunderstanding things, you see. I'm no tower of resistance like you..."</p><p>"Mikleo..." Sorey could hardly stop the words from spilling. "I'm not as strong as you think I am... "</p><p>Those sultry words... Mikleo suddenly had an urge to do something foolish, pulling Sorey by his tie so that they were almost cheek to cheek.</p><p>"When I give a warning, Sorey, I really, truly mean it."</p><p>"But I'm bad at warnings," Sorey whispered back, unable to resist the pull of those lavender eyes that seemed to have struck a chord in him, making his body feel like a harp about to break a string. "And it gets even worse when it comes to you..."</p><p>Mikleo had barely felt the slightest brush of those breathless words against his lips when he felt a hand squeeze his. Something <em>felt</em> wrong making him jump against the kiss that made Sorey's eyes flutter open. </p><p>Mikleo's eyes shot up. Cold and clammy but alive, tentative fingers the size of a child's hand held onto him, wrapped around his wrist as if to beg him not to let go.</p><p>"S-Sorey!"</p><p>Looking down, Sorey could only stare with incredulous eyes. Natalie had just seized Mikleo's hand, intertwining their fingers. Like a lifeless doll with its eyes opened wide, she was staring blankly into the shadows wrapped around them, with nothing but the lights of a blinking monitor illuminating her hollow, sunken face.</p><p>Sorey hollered into the doorway for a nurse as Mikleo held onto that thin, fragile lifeline blindly pulling at him.</p><p>Impulsively, Mikleo knelt beside the bed, giving the tiny hand a gentle, innocent kiss. "Whatever it is, I owe you one. Thanks for holding onto me like that... I think it's all I really needed to save me from myself." </p><p> </p><p><strong>o-----)o(-----o</strong>         </p><p>   </p><p>Edna could not believe this as she checked her phone: fifteen unanswered calls and ten sent messages without a single reply. What made it unbelievable was the fact that she was the caller, the sender, not the receiver. Even her <em>doting</em> brother Sorey was unusually cold. Of course, unlike that <em>other</em> guy, Sorey never ignored her calls, but he was clearly at fault too. Not only did he sleep through her birthday, but when she woke up, she found that he had left her an old-fashioned note tacked on the fridge, telling her where breakfast was, what time she should be home for dinner since he would be cooking, and about <em>some</em> guy who promised to give her a call.</p><p>So the supposed one-night stand with the most beautiful stranger who rescued her from getting hauled into the men's dorm where worse things could have been done to her after somebody spiked her cocktail did not go well as planned. How could it anyway, when the perfect angel, the dashing knight in shining armor who came to her rescue could not even keep as simple a promise as calling her back? And the one-night affair... if it even amounted to <em>that</em>... could <em>not</em> have made any impact on Sorey from how the note he had left that same morning had been written.</p><p>So is it jealousy, or just plain selfishness that is making her hate her brother this much? Ever since he and Alisha started their wedding preparations, there seemed to be less and less time for her and Sorey to bond together like old times. Maybe for some, two years could hardly be called <em>old times</em>, but ever since she started living with Sorey, things have started becoming lighter, better... like living with a kindred soul who cares about you and worries like a perfect mom without making you feel like a puppet on a string.</p><p>So maybe two people who are hardly compatible can also feel a sense of belonging, though between the two of them, Sorey is definitely the better half of the home. Though they have little in common save her stepdad and Sorey's biological father, Sorey was the one to make sure that those differences did not get in the way of becoming a family.  </p><p>Except right now, those good points <em>can</em> be overlooked. For one, she <em>resents</em> being taken for granted more than anything, not that she enjoys getting attention 24/7 either. Though contradicting herself like this hardly feels right, like she has done nothing but reaffirm things she hates about herself the most.</p><p>On top of it, <em>all</em> these are just so depressing to think about. Maybe someone should shoot her head to make better use of it... but who is she kidding, really?</p><p>Is there anything so hateful worth committing suicide for? Edna rolls her eyes mentally. That'll never happen. Suicidal people don't even moon about these things. They just go ahead and do it the way those ads say, <em>'Just do it.'</em></p><p>Maybe people who overthink never think of killing themselves because they could never commit themselves to do <em>anything</em> at all, plain and simple. Instead of doing anything drastic to change things or make an impact, they'd rather sit still and let the flow of time take them where it will. </p><p>
  <em>And losers like me have no way of getting out of a sticky situation because losing feels a lot better than just ending it all. When the game is finally over, nothing gets to be fun anymore.</em>
</p><p>Edna scrunches her face to that. Dying <em>does</em> sound a lot worse than giving up.    </p><p>Besides, as all games go, there are winners and losers. Better luck next time, as they say.</p><p>Edna makes a grumbling exhale as she finally presses a name on her contacts. She wonders if Alisha and her brother are having one of those dinner dates again and if she would have to settle for popcorn and soda over one of her brother's geeky natural history documentary videos or the ones from the <em>National Geographic</em>. Well, there are a few other alternatives to that, of course, though admittedly, they require a bit of audacity and shameless narcissism.</p><p>Then again, if none of that works out, there is always that penguin documentary that seems interesting enough to waste her time on.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>o-----)O(-----o</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Alisha... I really don't know what to say... I mean... sometimes, I don't even know what's going on anymore... Edna's just... Edna. She makes her own decisions and does what she likes... not that there's anything wrong with that <em>all</em> the time. But... yeah, I know, I'm sorry you got dragged into this... Yeah, thanks... I promise to talk to her as soon as she's ready to talk about anything. Sure, thanks again, goodnight."</p><p>"Sounds like trouble." Mikleo made a face the moment Sorey put his phone down.</p><p>Sorey stared at his phone for a few more seconds before deciding to go back to cutting onions. After a few more slices, he dumps it into the broth that had been set to boil then pulls out some carrots from the fridge. He skins them with a peeler as Mikleo watches from the couch.</p><p>"Well... I kinda hate comparing when it comes to personal stuff, but..." Sorey pauses, feeling a bit uncomfortable about saying what was obviously at the tip of his tongue.</p><p>Mikleo senses this and comes to the rescue. "But it seems like they're more emotionally sensitive than we ever were... given what we've been through ourselves."</p><p>"Yeah? I hate admitting it, but there are times I do feel that way. I know how easy it is to get on Edna's wrong side... She can be a bully and mistake concern for bossing around and being meddlesome. She never bothers to ask for my opinion on stuff that she thinks she can handle on her own... and I don't mind... like, maybe it's her way of telling me she's independent and responsible, which is all good. But sometimes..."</p><p>"You think it's your fault 'cause you're a guy, and she probably thinks you won't get it, so she pretends she doesn't need your help?"</p><p>"I guess?"</p><p>"Or maybe your dad brought her up like that so it's going to be an issue if you start making your own rules while expecting her not to insist on her own. Add to that the fact that you're not even related except by marriage... I mean, they do say '<em>blood is thicker than water</em>,' so it's pretty awkward between you two when you realize you don't even have that connection."</p><p>Sorey blinks several times at Mikleo. "Gods... you kinda just read that off me."</p><p>Mikleo rolls his eyes. "It's sort of easier to to relate once you realize you've gone through the same struggles yourself. Though it doesn't mean you made the same choices."</p><p>"I hardly know what parenting is all about, really, when I agreed to be her guardian. I was just worried about letting someone else look after her."</p><p>"And not doing a great job? Guess we're back to the same question. Who's doing a good job of taking care of who?"</p><p>"Look who's talking," Sorey grins as he finally dumps a bowl of chopped carrots into the pot that was beginning to smell of stew.</p><p>"That was quick. You seem to know a lot about cooking."</p><p>"Pretty much. How about you?"</p><p>"I survive on to-go and deliveries, or those ready-to-eat boxed meals. Heard of them?"</p><p>Sorey exhales. "I know, sorry, if I seem nosy. By the way, do you mind if I put in some red beans? You used to like them."</p><p>"You kinda remember a lot. I mean... we only got reacquainted this morning."</p><p>"C'mon, that was about eleven hours ago... enough time to do some thinking and rewind."</p><p>Mikleo walks up to him as Sorey lifts the cover. "That smells awfully good. Can I put in those myself?"</p><p>"Be my guest." Sorey hands Mikleo a wooden spoon with which to scoop the ingredients from the bowl. "Uh, careful not to lean in too much. Steam's hot enough to give you burns."</p><p>"Yeah, we don't want that, do we?" Mikleo grins, poking the beans with a spoon. He jumps when he feels an arm around his waist.</p><p>"Uh, sorry... just tying an apron around you. Your shirt's so clean and spotless you might hate getting any stains on it."</p><p>Mikleo looks at the pink apron that had trimmings around the edges and tiny strawberry prints. It almost made him feel like wearing the same kinky costume a waitress would be wearing in a maid cafe.</p><p>"Cute..." Sorey was beaming a wide smile.</p><p>"Wow, the frills look great," Mikleo said in a dead monotone. "If you're planning on taking pictures and doing lewd things with it, this is your chance, though I'd appreciate an advance warning next time."</p><p>Sorey stood back a little, laughing. "C'mon, no kidding, you really look cute in Edna's apron. I remember her wanting that for her birthday present last year."</p><p>"Do you have a thing for lolis?"</p><p>Sorey blinks once, twice. "L-lolis?"</p><p>"You know... cute, charming, sensually irresistible girls barely in their teens? No condemnation, just asking."</p><p>Sorey smiles slowly. "I... think... nothing much has changed about me. I still like the same things... even the same people from before..."</p><p>"Great," Mikleo huffed. "Right now, you sound like a customer trying to make a pass at me. Or is that platonic teasing I should just ignore as an attempt to lead me on?"</p><p>Sorey pulled the front of the apron, spinning Mikleo to him. "What was that? I think... I should refresh your memory a bit..."</p><p>Mikleo did not have time to pull away from the kiss, which was deliberately slow and gentle compared with the rough hands that tugged him by the knot of his apron and pulled him by the waist. Sorey did not seem as hesitant as he was back at the hospital when he made his first attempt, but it surprised Mikleo that he could be <em>this</em> relaxed and composed about it. His kiss, if Mikleo could describe it even hazily, was hesitant, breathless, almost as <em>tender</em> as he seemed to remember it from years ago... like a feather-like caress from a lover doing it for the first time...</p><p>Which is nothing like the way Mikleo had let himself be kissed so many times before, back in those days when he did more wrong than right and had to be rescued only to fall into the old habit of latching onto manipulative relationships with temporary benefits.</p><p>Mikleo felt his pulse quicken. Sorey had deepened the kiss, moving in his mouth with a touch of urgency that was undeniably sensual and more erotic.</p><p>Sorey's hand moved to cup his chin as he dipped his tongue further and guided his hand to that space between Mikleo's thighs beneath the apron. Shivering at the sudden sensation of those hands exploring his darker secrets, Mikleo tried to pull away.   </p><p>Sorey let him break the kiss this time, but his eyes were still closed when Mikleo's fluttered open. Not only could he hear Sorey's heart beating loudly, but he could feel the violent throbbing against his palm spread out on that hard, heaving chest.</p><p>Mikleo pushed, keeping Sorey away at an arm's length. "You-I didn't think you plan on taking it this far..."</p><p>"I know... but I keep doing it anyway..." Sorey stood back, trying to keep his focus as Mikleo looked away. A loud sizzle from the pot across them made Sorey run up to it to turn off the heat.</p><p>"Mikleo, I really want us to be able to talk about-"</p><p>"Look, as much as I look forward to having dinner with you, I think it's wiser if I-"</p><p>"I'm sorry but... you don't have to push me away like that..."</p><p>"It's not just you, all right? Maybe you're just teasing, but I hate to be addicted to you like a bad habit when it's not-"</p><p>Sorey pulled him into a hug, almost crushing him with the impact. "I'm sorry, but I just can't help thinking even if I shouldn't, that maybe... maybe you still have feelings for me like you did back then..."</p><p>When Sorey closed his eyes and started kissing him again, Mikleo could not help but feel that same aching need pushing against him through the fabric, desperately trying to awaken feelings he had almost thought were unrequited.</p><p>He tried to pull out of the kiss and breathe. "Past is past. I thought we've both moved on..."</p><p>Sorey tightened his embrace, one hand going behind Mikleo's head to push it below his chin and cradle it against his shoulder. "I can't pretend it's really over between us. I... still want you... and I'm sure you could tell how much..."   </p><p>Mikleo tried to swallow, breathing against Sorey's chest all the anger and frustration he dared not show. "Until when, Sorey? Until I stop you, or until Alisha finds out-"</p><p>"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can wait for that..."</p><p>Without another warning, Sorey pulls Mikleo by the waist, with a fond, tender look that seemed like he was about to cry.</p><p>"I've never taken anyone to bed before... but I want to do that right now..."</p><p>Mikleo could not bear to meet those emerald eyes with the same emotion. "It doesn't sound right when you say that."</p><p>"Alisha and I-"   </p><p>"Sorey, unlike you, I've had so many men before that casual sex isn't a big deal. But... I'm not <em>that</em> desperate to sleep with... an old friend..."</p><p>"Mikleo," Sorey whispers as he held Mikleo by the hip, refusing to let him push him farther away. "I... can't be <em>just</em> your friend even if I try 'cause I don't feel that way about you. And you can deny it as much as you want, but I can't help but feel you feel the same..."</p><p>Mikleo would have said something to resist that, but Sorey's other hand had already slipped beneath the apron to undo the buttons of his dress shirt, his mouth coming down on Mikleo gently, then more eagerly as he pushed him back, finding the fridge to be the nearest wall he could press him for support. Leaning his weight against it, Sorey felt as if his own knees were about to buckle with the force of his need.   </p><p>The discomfort did not bother Mikleo as much as Sorey's hardening desire pressing itself through the fabric of their clothes and the pressure of his tongue opening him up, probing him insistently in between moans. He shuddered as Sorey's hand frantically tugged at the fabric between their bodies to get it out of the way, finally pulling his belt loose and unzipping him from beneath.</p><p>"Sorey, I... really think you should... slow down before you... you regret any of this..." But even while saying that, Mikleo felt a ticklish tingle spread all over him as Sorey's lips caressed his shoulders, his neck, his mouth so lightly, making him swear under his breath as he tried to focus on other sights in the kitchen just to keep himself from closing his eyes and being lost in the moment. </p><p>Instead, Sorey swiveled him and pushed him up the counter by the waist, cupping him between his thighs and stroking him until Mikleo threw his head back with a deep groan. Taking it as a sign, Sorey took off his shirt and slid off his pants, keeping his eyes on Mikleo as his manhood throbbed beneath his boxers, showing more than enough evidence how much his body sought to be gratified that instant.</p><p>Before he could even protest what seemed inevitable, Sorey dipped his hand beneath Mikleo's underwear, watching as the fringes of the apron gave way to his rapid stroking that also got him harder with every whimper Mikleo made. He started kissing him, wanting every spot, every inch of him to burn, to bear those marks that would remind Mikleo who he belongs to.</p><p>So he was surprised at the stinging pain on his cheek when Mikleo slapped him, forcing him to look up and break the kiss.</p><p>"Mikleo-"  </p><p>"L-look... sorry... why don't we just get drunk on this and pretend this never happened?"</p><p>The suggestion might have worked if the apron on Mikleo, still clinging on one shoulder, did not look like it was begging to be torn and peeled away. Unaware, Mikleo pushed himself off the counter to retrieve his missing clothing. As he moved, he did his best not to let his bare thighs peek from beneath the scanty fabric that, apparently, was made to fit Edna's diminutive size.</p><p>Shivers ran down his body as he felt Sorey's intense gaze on him, which only made him feel even more docile and vulnerable. Try as he might, his mind seemed unable to rationalize that this was <em>no different</em> from any <em>other</em> scene, any <em>other</em> sexual encounter he could forget in the morning.   </p><p>He was almost succeeding in keeping all those feelings in check when just as he was about to pick his clothes off the floor, Sorey caught them and rudely flung them away... making them impossible to reach from where he stood. Mikleo gave him a flustered look of annoyance, though he felt embarrassed standing under the light without his dress shirt and pants, and with nothing but a pink, frilly, flimsy apron barely covering his chest and hips.  </p><p>"What do you think you're doing, you jerk!"</p><p>The situation seemed aggravating enough, but the fact that he was arguing in a stupid, girly apron just watered down the apparent seriousness of what was <em>really</em> going on. </p><p>Sorey's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I don't want to have to lie to myself... and I don't think you can make me wait again without killing me."</p><p>"Adults lie all the time. We're not kids anymore that we need to be so honest."</p><p>"When you left, I kept telling myself the same thing... that everything we had... it was just a bunch of stupid, childhood fantasies everyone outgrows in time..."</p><p>"Much better if you let it be that way. 'Cause it hurts to think that we can stop things from changing if we try to stay the same, if we keep ourselves from changing by living the way we've always had."</p><p>Sorey reached out for him only for Mikleo to stumble back and avoid getting caught.</p><p>Sorey clenched his fist at Mikleo, feeling all the frustration coming back with a vengeance. "Don't you think pretending we've forgotten everything we've ever felt before is just as wrong? When my parents died, I thought <em>that</em> was the end. I've lost so much, and I didn't want to be alone anymore. I was afraid of not knowing ever what it felt like to be loved... to be missed... what it felt like to smile and say in the end life was worth it."</p><p>Sorey took a step forward, reaching out for him again, but after hearing those words, Mikleo could only stand frozen, unable to muster the will to move away.</p><p>And the way Sorey touched his cheek this time was so gentle it was hardly even there, as if Sorey knew or felt he was going to break in pieces if Mikleo did not let himself be touched.   </p><p>By the way those emerald eyes seemed shaken when Sorey spoke those words, Mikleo could only respond by holding Sorey's hand as it cradled his cheek.</p><p>"You know..." Sorey's eyes softened, one finger tenderly catching locks of hair splayed against Mikleo's cheek. "When Natalie opened her eyes and wouldn't let go off your hand... well, not until her mom came and started crying... all of a sudden I realized, <em>no one really knows when a miracle is about to happen until it happens... just like you...</em>"</p><p>"Sorey... I think you're overthinking this-"</p><p>"Mikleo... when bad things happen sometimes you get so blinded by it you hardly realize that nothing lasts forever... that even the worst pain or suffering can't go on endlessly... It was the same when I thought you were never coming back... that you've moved on... out there... living a life without me by your side because... I was never <em>that</em> important to begin with."</p><p>"I can say the same about you." </p><p>Sorey shook his head. "None of that means I should go on denying my own feelings. You're a part of me... always has been, always will be... and nothing can change that even if we keep on hurting each other needlessly with the things we do or say. I... I <em>can't</em> and I <em>don't</em> want to live in the past anymore, Mikleo... I want to move on. But I can't do that by repeating the same mistakes I've made. So this time... this time I'm never going to let you disappear or run away from me again..." </p><p>With that, Sorey slid off the apron sleeve barely clinging on Mikleo's shoulder, kissing the skin exposed by it as he peeled the fabric away. Mikleo bit his lip as he became vaguely aware that he was definitely almost completely naked, save for the tiny skirt of the apron still hanging onto his waist by a single knot and his underwear beneath. </p><p>Sorey began unbuttoning his boxers as he caught one nipple in his mouth and rolled it between his lips. Mikleo groaned, struggling to free himself from the embrace that was making his arousal respond eagerly to the one pressing against him now.</p><p>Sorey began pushing him back slowly until they reached the couch. Topping him effortlessly, Sorey tore away the remaining fabric between them and began easing Mikleo's cock from beneath the slinky underwear, which was visibly stretched by the shape of his own hardening need.</p><p>Throwing back his head with a helpless groan, Mikleo uttered the only resistance his lips could form between those urgent kisses. "Please... don't make me feel... so guilty..." </p><p>Sorey shook his head. "Everything's my fault, I know. But I'll take responsibility for this... for you... even if you hate me for it."</p><p>Not waiting for Mikleo to raise another protest, Sorey pushed down his boxers, groaning as the throbbing peak of his manhood was finally released from the restraint of the fabric rubbing against it. He leaned over Mikleo, now sprawled on the couch looking up at him with embarrassed eyes, and sank himself against that flawless, creamy, white skin taunting his need to be satiated.</p><p>Mikleo closed his eyes, unable to suppress his own body's aching need. Sorey's evenly-toned body was perfect, more beautiful than anything Mikleo had ever seen, even when his previous partners had been equally attractive. Topping him completely, Sorey let out a heavy groan, then staring at his own throbbing peak, struggled to get up and retrieve his boxers. Once he had worn them, he picked Mikleo off the cushions in one sweep.</p><p>"What do you think you're-"</p><p>"My bed. I want to do this properly..."</p><p>"That's your and Alisha's love ne-"</p><p>"I've never slept with anyone, Mikleo... unless you want to do it with me out here..."</p><p>Mikleo sighed as Sorey cradled him in his arms like a baby. "I didn't come all this way just to do this. After ten years, I never imagined I'd be doing it with you ever..."</p><p>"Don't worry, I'll help you get used to it..."</p><p>In a few strides, Sorey was standing outside his bedroom, kicking the door open. Mikleo tried to stop him by holding onto the door frame.</p><p>"Sorey, I <em>really</em> don't think you should give up your <em>stupid</em> virginity just yet!"</p><p>Sorey kissed him with an ironic grin. "Then stop being cute and shy about it..."</p><p>Mikleo felt his stomach lurch as Sorey threw him on the bed playfully then kicked off his boxers, topping Mikleo without a minute's warning and kissing every expanse of skin that bared itself to him as Mikleo struggled against the furious need burying itself between his legs.</p><p>Sorey paused in between kisses, breathing hard and chasing his breath as his palms kneaded Mikleo's behind, reveling at the smoothness of him against his fingers.    </p><p>"Remember when we sneaked into the changing room... at the back of the pool? We had a sleepover that time... and my parents weren't home..."</p><p>Mikleo cringed at the memories, but Sorey's warm lips on his skin, dipping down his shoulder to nip him at the collarbone made him shiver. Shifting slightly, Sorey began stroking him again, letting his own erection graze Mikleo's smooth legs.</p><p>"This is a bad idea... "</p><p>Sorey buried his face between Mikleo's neck and shoulder, sucking hard. He licked the bruise his teeth made, breathing an apology in between kisses.</p><p>"Mikleo... if we didn't get separated back then..."</p><p>"We would have ended up together, is that it? Don't... don't you think that's being... a little too naive for our age?"</p><p>Sorey pulled Mikleo to him. "Isn't that why I'm doing this? I missed you... I want you... It's the same when I kissed you back then..."</p><p>Mikleo looked down sideways. "We were both lonely... just clueless kids who've read too many fairy tales. Can't we just... move on from there and... start over?"</p><p>Sorey lifted Mikleo's chin to him. "Aren't we doing just that? When you left, I felt stuck... like everything's that happened is just me letting it happen because I didn't care enough to do something about it."</p><p>"But you took Edna under your wing like she was your own... and you have Alisha..."</p><p>"She reminds me of you... so much that I-I couldn't help it if I-"</p><p>Mikleo put an index finger on his lips to shush him. "Sorey, you loved her enough to want to marry her. The Sorey I know wouldn't go back on his promise, even if it kills him."</p><p>Sorey pulled down his hand, but not without first turning his wrist over to kiss it. "And the Sorey I know... or at least the <em>me</em> I know 'til now... is always true to himself. That doesn't mean he never lies to himself or to anyone. But it does mean that he cares enough to listen to his heart... even when it means admitting his mistakes... He's not a perfect human being and doesn't try to be one. And nothing breaks him more than pushing his choices onto others even when it makes them unhappy... "</p><p>"But what if being true to yourself means making a choice that no one is happy about? You think it's all right to tell someone that you made a mistake, and it's all over?"</p><p>Sorey met the defiant stare with languid eyes. "But, Mikleo, is there any rule that says we cannot right a wrong if it hurts someone?"</p><p>"Is there a rule that says letting someone get hurt is all right if you can justify it?"</p><p>Sorey's eyes narrowed. "Shouldn't you be on my side... when all I want is to give <em>us</em> a chance to be happy?"  </p><p>"Yeah, right." Mikleo pulled away from him. "Life's been miserable and unkind... but I had my happy moments. I don't need someone telling me I can't be happy with anyone else... or I can't be happy on my own."</p><p>"But that's not what I'm saying."</p><p>Mikleo gave him a steely glare. "Doesn't matter to someone who can read between the lines."</p><p>"Mikleo!" Mikleo tried pushing Sorey off him, but Sorey held on, grabbing him by the same wrist. "I'm... not trying to tell you I'm the only happiness you'll ever have. And... you don't have to hate me every single time my words don't come out the way I want them to. I can't think straight... not when you're right next to me... it's just... so hard to think of the right words..."</p><p>Mikleo exhales. "I think we should think about this more."</p><p>"You're a terrible liar, Mikleo," Sorey burst out under his breath. "All you want to do is to run away again."</p><p>Mikleo rudely struggled to get off the bed, pulling a blanket to cover himself. "Much better than someone who's two-timing his fiancee as we speak!" </p><p>"Oh god," Sorey caught the end of the blanket before Mikleo could pull away, eyebrows furrowed. "Can you just stop doing this? It's just like you to get me started and drop me like a hat the moment you feel guilty about it!"</p><p>"I <em>don't</em> know what you're talking about-"</p><p>Sorey yanks the blanket to him, grabbing Mikleo's hand only to guide it to his arousal. Mikleo visibly flinched.</p><p>"Here. You touched me here knowing who I was even when I had no idea it was you-"</p><p>Mikleo wrenched his hand away, but Sorey held onto it, not letting go.</p><p>"It was an impulse, dammit! I wanted to make you angry for forgetting... so stop reading something else into it!"</p><p>"Mikleo... the first time you let me touch you... that was a long time ago, but I haven't forgotten how it felt. And when I asked if we could be more than friends... you said I'm yours... that you'd <em>never</em> let <em>me</em> belong to anybody else! Just because you left doesn't give you any right to forget things on your own!"</p><p>"You're the forgetful <em>one</em>... you're the <em>one</em> getting married. But this is <em>not</em> about which person you ought to choose. Love is not a competition, and I'm not a trophy-"</p><p>Sorey's eyes widened, though unlike before, there was a tiny hint of playfulness when he spoke. "Uh... you are, in some ways... but so much more..."</p><p>"Look, I admit what I said was pretty much narcissistic, but-"</p><p>Sorey exhaled, rubbing Mikleo's hand against his cheek this time. "You're you. And that's the part I fell in love with." </p><p>Mikleo turned over his hand to cradle that same cheek softly, tentatively, watching emerald pools of emotion gaze back at him with a tenderness so rare it made Mikleo's letting breath hitch.</p><p>"Sorey, what I'm saying is... I wouldn't have come back if I'd known I'd be complicating things like this. My behavior this morning was uncalled for... I was drunk, I had issues... and maybe seeing you for the first time in years wasn't the way I imagined it... and I wasn't ready for it. I may fight Gramps tooth and nail, but I know he's right... I've too many excuses but none to justify my actions... because a mistake is a mistake no matter how sorry you feel about it. But hypocrisy aside, there's nothing more I could have wanted than for you to go where you needed to go... with the people who can give you more than I can... if you give them a chance..."</p><p>"Mikleo, that's not-"</p><p>"Listen, I'd be honest. When I heard that you're getting married... for me it was a sign you've moved on... that it wouldn't hurt for me to come back and make things right... I'm not gonna lie and say I was bursting with joy. Maybe I felt a little jealous... but more than that, I felt relieved. I know the worst thing you can do is pretend we hardly know each other. And the way you reacted to me this morning only confirmed that expectation... so I wasn't even ready for things to turn out this way..."</p><p>Without thinking, Sorey moved behind Mikleo to pull him in a tight embrace, letting his chin rest on Mikleo's shoulder lightly.</p><p>"Just to be clear... I wasn't looking for <em>'more'</em> in a relationship after ours got cut off. I was hurting for so long when Alisha came. And... just like me, she needed someone too... because when people leave... when they die... the ones they leave behind have it worse. The fear of losing everything and everyone you've ever loved can be unbearable sometimes... 'cause some hurts never heal, they only get worse the longer you pretend they're not there."</p><p>"Sorey..."</p><p>"I've been pretending for so long I didn't know how deep the wound's become... that the only cure I could find is sharing it with someone."</p><p>"Alisha's been fair to you. Don't you think you owe her the same?"</p><p>Sorey sighed audibly. "I remember what her dad told me once... that she and I were like two agonies looking at each other's reflections in the mirror. We could see right away what hurts the other must be going through. He told me that it's enough reason to ask myself if I'm thinking clearly about our relationship... and if it's what we both truly wanted even if we seem to love each other enough to want what's best for the other."</p><p>"Sorey, I'm not judging your actions morally... not like I have a right to. But I think you'd be a good husband if you give it a shot. Have kids... a happy family. It's not something I ever wished for, for myself, and I don't regret giving up those things that I don't think I deserve or could even keep even if you shove them to me. I'm just not good with responsibilities... like living with other people has always been a pain. I hate loneliness, but in the end I chose my own suffering. And now I'm so used to being alone I'm miserable with company, isn't that ironic?"    </p><p>Sorey pulled back and sank himself onto the bed, letting Mikleo be cradled in his arms as they kissed. When Mikleo finally broke the kiss, he felt tears on his face. Is Sorey crying again?</p><p>"Mikleo... I'm not good at remembering things I've been wanting to forget for the longest time. I guess that's how much you've hurt me back then... Though to be honest, I got curious when I found someone standing right in front of me with the same hair, the same eyes... When I first saw you today, my mind was rejecting the idea it was you, but my heart was honest enough to get pulled in, anyway."</p><p>Mikleo smiled wryly at that. "Your cock's honest. I think it's the most honest part of you yet. But what could you have done if I didn't show up at the CIB?"       </p><p>Sorey turned red, as if he was being asked to reveal a deep secret. "Soon after you showed up here, I checked all of Edna's contacts. I traced that bar where she must have gotten herself drunk. I thought of filing cases against those who let minors get their hands on hard liquor or let high school students into college dorms where they can easily get date-raped while intoxicated. And I know I can use legal threats on any scum who seems to know you but wouldn't tell me where you are. I know I'd find traces of you by tracing everything back to what Edna had been occupying herself with while I was away."</p><p>"You're beginning to sound illegal."</p><p>"I wouldn't go so far as to torture victims. But I can be very persuasive when I want to... and only when I need to. Like right now... with you..."</p><p>Sorey threw off the blanket and they started kissing, but this time Mikleo held himself back firmly. "Sorey... I really would rather that we put this off..."</p><p>Sorey was breathing hard, his arousal ready to thrust itself into Mikleo's core any moment if Mikleo had not tried to stop him.</p><p>"I love you... even if you try to run away, it's not like I could go back to the way things were. You're being here... with me... for me, it's more than enough to change everything from hereon... as what you did for Natalie..."</p><p>"I hate it when you bring that up. It makes me weak..."</p><p>Sorey pushed Mikleo's legs up and sank himself deeply, so deeply he cried out and began thrusting himself into Mikleo like a madman. Mikleo braced himself against Sorey's tense body, his own moans lost in Sorey's deeper grunts, in the fierce, brutal heat of their bodies making lewd noises in the sweat of their desires intermingling. </p><p>Sorey moved inside him with the rough, careless inexperience of an eager lover lost in the first-time pleasures of his first love. Mikleo tried to calm him, slow him down by stroking his shoulder, his cheek, but Sorey had already pushed himself to the very hilt, crying out his name.</p><p>Mikleo threw his head back as he came in Sorey's hand, and Sorey feeling that explosion for the first time, could barely hold himself back any longer. Like a catapult pulled back at near-breaking point, he opened up Mikleo to him and thrust his all, shouting his name as he released.</p><p>They collapsed on the sheets, against each other, Mikleo falling back onto Sorey's heaving chest with a sickly, painful groan.</p><p>Chasing his breath, Sorey looked at Mikleo worriedly. "Hey, was I-"</p><p>"Yeah. You're the worst. You're so huge and heavy, and you barreled into me like you've <em>really</em> never done this before."</p><p>Sorey kissed his mouth lightly. "I was starved... you felt too good."</p><p>"You're not supposed to admit it like that."</p><p>"I'm sorry... I'd be gentle next time."</p><p>Mikleo's eyes fluttered as Sorey started kissing him again. "No next time, got that?"</p><p>Sorey leaned over him, cupping his chin after having just sucked another bruise he made. "You're kidding, right?" </p><p>"Not until you settle things. Besides, it's not like you're the only one with issues..."  </p><p>Sorey let out a grunting exhale. "Fine, I'd try to control myself from hereon. But kissing is all right, right?"</p><p>"What about dinner?"</p><p>Sorey pulled the sheets around them, rolling him and Mikleo in it, molding their bodies into each other. "Just give me twenty minutes, love..."</p><p><em>Love?</em> Who was he kidding? Mikleo squirmed as he felt Sorey pressing down on him as urgently as before. This time, he kicked off the sheets. </p><p>"I'm serious... you made me hungry, and I want to eat!" </p><p>Laughing at the pouting expression Mikleo made, Sorey rolled off him, pulling him out of bed with a regretful yank. "All right, you win, before I change my mind and eat you instead!"</p><p> </p><p><strong>o-----)O(-----o</strong> </p><p> </p><p>A tall man whose broad frame only made the cab look smaller than it really was stood up, leaning back a little with a frown as he tipped his hat under the lamplight and looked down at his cellphone to check for messages.</p><p>No replies ever since his partner had left Paris and disappeared. It has been nine days since then...</p><p>
  <em>Dammit, what is that guy even thinking?</em>
</p><p>Expect information to be expensive, and that includes red tape, but it took him barely a week to trace his partner's whereabouts after he had left their apartment with nothing but a rude note saying he was going home for a visit.</p><p><em>Home...</em> Rulay had not told him anything about himself... never in the last six years that they have managed to stay together, on and off like siblings, like friends, like family, and not so lately, like lovers...</p><p>The young man has always been a little too hard and hot to handle, but Sergei had been patient. Rulay was good at stretching that a little too far, perhaps using his fear of relationships as an excuse to hide deeper scars that doubtless, were telling symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Still Sergei had never given up no matter how hard or desperately Rulay had tried to push him away... He had looked after the younger man, made sure he kept out of trouble and even when he did manage to get into one, he made sure he was there to bail Rulay out even if it meant putting his own job on the line.</p><p>Rulay had often fought him with claws and fangs bared like a starved, wounded prey desperately trying to protect itself against a vicious, lurking predator. But he stayed, he chose to stick with the investigation department even when he had been offered promotions, an option to transfer to a higher office, and work with high-profile professionals in the field. The change in work environments would have been more suitable for his peace of mind, but Sergei refused all offers just to be by Rulay's side...</p><p>In his mind he knew there was no one in the world who could have ever even guessed what horrors the young man had been through. If he had not been assigned to follow his case, if Rulay had not been the subject of an investigation himself, Sergei would not have known how much he had suffered in the hands of a most dangerous man... the one behind the most notorious criminal network syndicate the Paris interpol has had to deal with in its entire history of criminal investigation.</p><p>That seemed more than enough to explain his concern after it was leaked to him that the careless idiot... that insane, self-destructive narcissist... had accepted an assignment that went far beyond the jurisdiction of the Paris interpol. To make it worse, he did it without conferring with him, without as much as asking for a harmless opinion on the matter.</p><p>He has been his partner in the interpol for three of those six years they have known each other intimately. By now, Rulay should know he could trust him with anything...  </p><p>Sergei Strelka was never known to be an impatient man. But he wanted Rulay back in Paris, in a place where he could keep him safe, a place where he could be by his side for whatever reason Rulay was willing to settle for.  </p><p>In front of him, Cheshire Rise cast its looming shadow beneath artificial lights, against a light rain that was beginning to pelt his skin as he crossed the lane to get to the address an agent had given him offline when he started tracing Rulay's whereabouts.</p><p>And though he would never admit agonizing over it in his mind, Sergei had a minute to wonder, at the handwritten information folded in his hand, if Sorey Shepherdine... if that man Rulay had run to... was the place he had meant by <em>home</em>. </p><p> </p><p><strong>o)-----------o)O(o-----------(o</strong>       </p><p> </p><p>  </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>